Do I Love Poop?

Interesting notes from today...

Lilah: "Mommy, do you like my poop?" I was unsure of how to answer this. I wanted to say no, because I'm definitely not a lover of poop, but I was afraid to say that because I don't want her to think there's any part of her I don't love.

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Miles has been attacking Lilah at every opportunity, and it's been a slight annoyance because every time I turn my back, my sweet Minels is crawling, pushing, or chewing on his sister. I've been seeing it as an aggressive act that I must correct. Mostly because Lilah shrieks so loud my eardrums burst every time he lays a hand on her. To her credit, that's probably because his touches kind of hurt. Miles is quickly becoming stronger than Lilah, even though she has a good 16 months of growth on him, it's clear that he has the upper hand when it comes to physicality. Today I noticed something that I've not seen before, and I felt ashamed that I've never taken the time or had a clear enough eye to notice this. Right before Miles is about to pounce, he looks at Lilah and gives her the sweetest smile, not the mischievous smile that prefaces something naughty, but a smile that illustrates true happiness. I was shocked to see this, and couldn't believe I've never paid attention to such a detail. It illustrated clearly to me that Miles' attacks had nothing to do with asserting his new physical strength, or even just being a playful baby/toddler, he's just wanting to touch Lilah. He genuinely loves her and sees her as his buddy. He reserves his most special playfulness for her. He wants to interact with her and get her attention, and this is his way. When Miles is being especially sweet with me, he butts me with his head. That's his way of bein' like, "hey, I love you!" The fact that Miles can hardly be around Lilah for five seconds without engaging with her physically, shows that Lilah is his teddy bear. Today I realized for the first time that they had a relationship, one that existed completely without me, outside of the bounds of my refereeing. That this special relationship between Lilah and Miles has already taken on a life of its own, and that it will define our family dynamic is such an amazing way. This doesn't mean that I will allow Miles to chomp Lilah every chance he gets, but it does mean I will approach it differently as a parent.

Bye Bye Baby

One year ago today I was celebrating Mother's Day and had no idea that I was going to have a baby in a matter of a few days...

My baby turns one this week and is soon to be an official "big boy." Most moms would be sad about this, but not me. I love for my kids to grow up! I don't feel like you sacrifice sweet moments with age, you just trade them for different kinds of sweet moments. Instead of rocking and nursing Miles for hours, he's crawling over to me so that he can give me a big hug and cuddle. Miles is still the ultimate sweetness, but has also learned some survival skills too. He is constantly letting Lilah know that he is a "big boy" by pulling her hair, clobbering her, pushing her over as he reaches for a toy, screaming and pulling as she tries to take his toy. His affinity for climbing at the moment is far more important than walking, although he has taken some steps while on break from scaling the furniture. I'm not sad as I take inventory of all the ways Miles is growing and changing, I'm proud that I get to take part in raising such a wonderful boy.

Miles may be turning one, but Lilah is turning 30, I'm pretty sure. I will let these quotes illustrate my point...

"Mommy, you have to share with your friends and your family." (said on a daily basis, usually when I don't want to hand over my drink for both of my kids to backwash in)

"Don't worry mommy, just leave it. We'll get it in a minute. Now turn around and sit in your seat." (said after Miles dropped his toy in the car and I attempted to retrieve it)

"I just need a little water in my hand. Because I'm thirsty. Very thirsty." (just need a little water in her hand?)

"Oh dear!" (after dropping a toy. Oh dear? Who the heck even says that? Has my daughter been hanging out with Miss Manners?)

"I look like a fraggle, except that I have skin."

I wish I could remember more, especially the extra funny ones.

On this Mother's Day, I celebrate my two incredible kids, the sweetness and the sillies, who should take a great deal of the credit for making me the mother I am today!

Up

This is what I hear all day long from the mouth of my babe. Miles is totally obsessed with the stairs in our house and constantly wants to go up. If we're downstairs (which is the majority of the time) he's crawling around the proximity of the stairs like a prowling shark, muttering "up. up. up." As if there's nothing else to do on our whole first floor (besides nearly every toy/activity we own.)

If it's not time to go upstairs, I gently remind Miles "no up" and he will collapse in a pile of sobs like I just murdered his puppy. The amusing thing is that he listens to me most of the time, and if I say "no up" an invisible shield appears at the bottom of the stairs that prohibits him from going further. This is obviously very upsetting to him, because I have honestly never seen a sadder show (even in all of the drama queen Lilah tantrums.) After he comes to from his crying coma, he'll look at me with the plainest face and say "up." And the cycle repeats until eventually I pick him up and put him somewhere else, away from the stairs. Well, try to pick him up anyway, because in his rage over being removed from the beloved staircase, he becomes a very stiff, slippery, flingy thing that I can barely keep a hold of.

After forcing poor Miles to do something other than stalk the staircase, I find a reason to go up just to appease his desires. When it's time to go make our way upstairs, he can barely contain himself, and literally shakes with excitement before clomping over to the stairs, laughing the whole time.

It's quite obvious that the stairs hold a very strong power over Miles, giving him access to the most exuberant joy and his deepest sorrows. His whole world revolves around "up" and "no up." His passion for the stairs has provided me with a lot of entertainment, and enlightened me to his desire to climb, but also probably for his need to have a change of scenery.

Cha Cha Cha Changes

I feel like my kids change so quickly and constantly that I have a hard time nailing down who they are at the moment. I stay home with them, and they still just change so fast, I can't possibly keep up. Every week I find myself thinking "who are you going to be this week?" There's a million versions of Miles and Lilah and I feel like I'm always drawing straws on their personalities. Sometimes I get lucky and both kids are the best possible versions of themselves, other weeks I get the short end of the stick. Usually it's somewhere in the middle, Lilah might be more energetic and hilarious, but more dramatic and whiny too. Miles might become more independent but also more clingy.

I start to feel really drained by such massive amounts of change. Once I finally get something nailed down, ways of dealing with whiny Lilah she quickly becomes aggressive Lilah, and all of the methods and strategies I had become so proud of are useless. I feel like I can't ever get a leg up. I don't know why this seems new to me. In my years of teaching, my classroom was always about as schizophrenic as they come. Every day there was a different life force that I had to become accustomed to in about 0.5 seconds or risk drowning in chaos.

I did learn a thing or two from those teaching years but it feels different with my own kids. I guess maybe it's that I become attached to certain versions of my kids. I'm not one of those people who wants to preserve my children in baby form. For me, the older they are, the better, but there is a certain level of innocence, not dependent on age, but life exposure, that I want to hold on to. Every time Lilah becomes subjected to one of the many downfalls of having a sibling, I feel like she loses a part of her innocence. Every time Miles has to forgo a cuddle so that I can tame his maniacal sister, I see a shard of his youth fall away. I definitely want my kids to get older, but I don't want them to become hardened. I have to realize that change is part of experimentation though, not a reflection of my parenting. As my children learn more, they start playing with who they want to be, testing physical and emotional boundaries.

As I write this, I am feeling like it's really neat that my kids go through a daily metamorphosis. In the moment though, it's draining and annoying. I guess maybe that's because I'm rarely the best possible version of myself either. My kids are probably rolling the dice with me too, the same as I am with them. It's always an adventure to see what random combination of personalities come up each day and what we can make from it.

Beuh

Miles has spoken his first official word. He's said some random stuff, but nothing consistent enough to give it the label of "first word." He may have said mama a few times, but he doesn't look at me and say it, and once I think he said dada, but I can't be sure. What is completely clear coming out of his mouth though, is Beuh, as in Bill, the cat. His favorite cat (we have three.) For the past few days he has done little more than crawl (clomp) around the house at full pace shouting BEUH! BEUH! BEUH! BEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH! He says it when he's looking for the cat, when he spots the cat, when he touches the cat, when he's thinking of the cat. I am pretty sure he said it 1,304,326,678 times today and he's getting really good at it. Very clearly articulated for a 10 month old.

You can tell I'm not a first time mom because I'm not the least bit hurt that Miles' first redundant utterings are not mama, or less importantly dada (haha!) I'm just pleased that he's saying something, because by the time Lilah was 10 months, I'm pretty sure she was saying nearly 10 words fairly clearly. She's a linguistic marvel though, so I really don't ever compare. I'm also glad that his first word isn't one of the many obscenities Lilah's been shouting lately.

Speaking of Lilah, she's come up with some pretty good ones lately. Our poor cats. Miles chases after Bill all day shouting and Lilah has taken to running around, chasing the cats, screaming "For crying out loud!!!!!" at the top of her lungs. I guess she gets the pun.

My favorite was yesterday though when I was clearly annoyed at her for repeatedly taking Miles' toys, and my voice was showing my irritation. She said "mama I don't like it when you talk to me like that." Well too bad kiddo. I'm not made of wood. After asking her to leave Miles alone for the one millionth time that day, I was doing good to just let my voice to ONLY sound mildly irritated! In my mind I was screaming. Out loud I was clenching my jaw as I spoke in a subtly annoyed tone. So my response? I could have come up with many but I left it at "I don't like it when you take Miles' toys. It's frustrating." She just shrugged and moved on like she was glad we had our little talk.

Sand Shower and Meatloaf

Why is it that Lilah is perfectly content taking a shower in the sand pit at the park, pouring sand over her head, all down her body, getting sand in her eyes, in her mouth, ears, who knows where else? But the second I try to pour some water over her head she screams like I'm murdering her. Seriously, sand has to be so much more painful than a little water in the face. Right?

My baby loves meatloaf. Miles is a champion eater so I don't know why I'm shocked, but there's something funny about him chowing down on meatloaf. He's not really a huge fan of fruit or any of the sweet stuff, but the boy can easily clear a slice of meatloaf and a sweet potato in one sitting. It's actually exciting to me to have a good eater because now when I take the time to make some yummy, healthy food, I know it will actually get eaten (instead of Lilah just mutilating it with her fork without actually taking bites...)

Stop Yelling At Me Minels

The only time I ever hear Miles upset is when the sun is in his eyes, or if he thinks I should be shoveling food onto his plate or into his mouth faster than I am physically capable... He's got this surprisingly loud and angry sounding shriek, which is funny because it's the opposite of what you'd expect from him, being such a mellow guy usually. Whenever Miles starts into his sounding off, Lilah always tells him "stop yelling at me Minels." She's always super calm when she says it too, but still seems put off that he's being so loud. Funny, because I'm pretty sure he learned how to produce such a diva-esque shriek from her...