Cha Cha Cha Changes

I feel like my kids change so quickly and constantly that I have a hard time nailing down who they are at the moment. I stay home with them, and they still just change so fast, I can't possibly keep up. Every week I find myself thinking "who are you going to be this week?" There's a million versions of Miles and Lilah and I feel like I'm always drawing straws on their personalities. Sometimes I get lucky and both kids are the best possible versions of themselves, other weeks I get the short end of the stick. Usually it's somewhere in the middle, Lilah might be more energetic and hilarious, but more dramatic and whiny too. Miles might become more independent but also more clingy.

I start to feel really drained by such massive amounts of change. Once I finally get something nailed down, ways of dealing with whiny Lilah she quickly becomes aggressive Lilah, and all of the methods and strategies I had become so proud of are useless. I feel like I can't ever get a leg up. I don't know why this seems new to me. In my years of teaching, my classroom was always about as schizophrenic as they come. Every day there was a different life force that I had to become accustomed to in about 0.5 seconds or risk drowning in chaos.

I did learn a thing or two from those teaching years but it feels different with my own kids. I guess maybe it's that I become attached to certain versions of my kids. I'm not one of those people who wants to preserve my children in baby form. For me, the older they are, the better, but there is a certain level of innocence, not dependent on age, but life exposure, that I want to hold on to. Every time Lilah becomes subjected to one of the many downfalls of having a sibling, I feel like she loses a part of her innocence. Every time Miles has to forgo a cuddle so that I can tame his maniacal sister, I see a shard of his youth fall away. I definitely want my kids to get older, but I don't want them to become hardened. I have to realize that change is part of experimentation though, not a reflection of my parenting. As my children learn more, they start playing with who they want to be, testing physical and emotional boundaries.

As I write this, I am feeling like it's really neat that my kids go through a daily metamorphosis. In the moment though, it's draining and annoying. I guess maybe that's because I'm rarely the best possible version of myself either. My kids are probably rolling the dice with me too, the same as I am with them. It's always an adventure to see what random combination of personalities come up each day and what we can make from it.

Beuh

Miles has spoken his first official word. He's said some random stuff, but nothing consistent enough to give it the label of "first word." He may have said mama a few times, but he doesn't look at me and say it, and once I think he said dada, but I can't be sure. What is completely clear coming out of his mouth though, is Beuh, as in Bill, the cat. His favorite cat (we have three.) For the past few days he has done little more than crawl (clomp) around the house at full pace shouting BEUH! BEUH! BEUH! BEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH! He says it when he's looking for the cat, when he spots the cat, when he touches the cat, when he's thinking of the cat. I am pretty sure he said it 1,304,326,678 times today and he's getting really good at it. Very clearly articulated for a 10 month old.

You can tell I'm not a first time mom because I'm not the least bit hurt that Miles' first redundant utterings are not mama, or less importantly dada (haha!) I'm just pleased that he's saying something, because by the time Lilah was 10 months, I'm pretty sure she was saying nearly 10 words fairly clearly. She's a linguistic marvel though, so I really don't ever compare. I'm also glad that his first word isn't one of the many obscenities Lilah's been shouting lately.

Speaking of Lilah, she's come up with some pretty good ones lately. Our poor cats. Miles chases after Bill all day shouting and Lilah has taken to running around, chasing the cats, screaming "For crying out loud!!!!!" at the top of her lungs. I guess she gets the pun.

My favorite was yesterday though when I was clearly annoyed at her for repeatedly taking Miles' toys, and my voice was showing my irritation. She said "mama I don't like it when you talk to me like that." Well too bad kiddo. I'm not made of wood. After asking her to leave Miles alone for the one millionth time that day, I was doing good to just let my voice to ONLY sound mildly irritated! In my mind I was screaming. Out loud I was clenching my jaw as I spoke in a subtly annoyed tone. So my response? I could have come up with many but I left it at "I don't like it when you take Miles' toys. It's frustrating." She just shrugged and moved on like she was glad we had our little talk.

Sand Shower and Meatloaf

Why is it that Lilah is perfectly content taking a shower in the sand pit at the park, pouring sand over her head, all down her body, getting sand in her eyes, in her mouth, ears, who knows where else? But the second I try to pour some water over her head she screams like I'm murdering her. Seriously, sand has to be so much more painful than a little water in the face. Right?

My baby loves meatloaf. Miles is a champion eater so I don't know why I'm shocked, but there's something funny about him chowing down on meatloaf. He's not really a huge fan of fruit or any of the sweet stuff, but the boy can easily clear a slice of meatloaf and a sweet potato in one sitting. It's actually exciting to me to have a good eater because now when I take the time to make some yummy, healthy food, I know it will actually get eaten (instead of Lilah just mutilating it with her fork without actually taking bites...)

Stop Yelling At Me Minels

The only time I ever hear Miles upset is when the sun is in his eyes, or if he thinks I should be shoveling food onto his plate or into his mouth faster than I am physically capable... He's got this surprisingly loud and angry sounding shriek, which is funny because it's the opposite of what you'd expect from him, being such a mellow guy usually. Whenever Miles starts into his sounding off, Lilah always tells him "stop yelling at me Minels." She's always super calm when she says it too, but still seems put off that he's being so loud. Funny, because I'm pretty sure he learned how to produce such a diva-esque shriek from her...

Where have the days (and the food) gone?

I've been on a bit of a hiatus from the blogging. Not on purpose, just got super busy and by the end of the day I don't have any energy left for reflecting. Need to get back on the bandwagon though. There have been many hilarious moments unrecorded these last few weeks.

My sweet Minels is a human garbage disposal and this arrangement has been tedious the last few months with keeping on top of making his baby food. Now he's moving on to table food and it's working out nicely. Lilah will generally eat anywhere from 10-50% of any given meal, and now I don't have to throw any of her leftovers away or consuming them myself. I have Miles, who reliably eats all of his food, most of Lilah's, some of mine, and if anyone else is eating, he'll eat some of theirs too.

Not only is Miles becoming quite apt at devouring everything in sight, but he's also pretty skilled at breaking into any container, getting into any bin, knocking over any basket. His favorite thing to tip over is Lilah's shopping cart, which practically holds the contents of her entire play kitchen. Obviously, that's why it's his fav, it provides the largest mess payout. And it drives Lilah crazy.

While Minels is busy eating and knocking stuff over, Lilah's content to be a total smart ass and screaming banshee. At any given moment you can either find her telling me what's what ("Actually mama...") or throwing the world's most passionate fit. Both of which are terribly amusing to me or incredibly infuriating, depending on my mood.

So nothing's new in these last few blog free weeks. Some new additions are Lilah's abandoned potty baby (thanks to her practically potty training herself, then changing her mind on that whole ordeal) and Miles' mouth full of toofers (necessary equipment for letting Lilah know when she's roughing him up too much.)

K, trying to get back on the blogging train. We'll see how I do!